It was very early in the morning on Easter Sunday.
My plans were interrupted.
I remember being irritated that the Hospital was keeping me from my wife. She was bleeding and it didn’t look good.
I walked back and forth in the lobby aimlessly until they waved me through.
The doctor didn’t have any emotion on his face. I felt numb.
The baby didn’t make it.
Our first pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage.
Bottled Up Emotions
That was the extent I thought about our loss. I moved on and tried to comfort her as much as I could.
"It’s just something that happens," I thought.
7 years later, I was writing, per my daily habit. I began singing the name "Elijah" impromptu and started to cry. That was the name I wanted to give our baby if he was a boy.
Honestly, I hadn’t thought about the miscarriage in a long time. I realized that although I had written each of our kids a song when they were born, I had never written a song for baby Elijah.
Through that process, I finally grieved.
Men don’t always process emotions well. We tend to either ignore them or use something to numb the pain.
My experience with loss has taught me:
Expressing emotions is really important. It’s good to cry.
Men need an outlet for grieving. As a creative person, songwriting was my outlet. However, there are many other good options if art isn’t your thing.
I didn’t begin to heal until I reconciled my loss spiritually.
All life is beautiful, even those who are only with us a short time. Everyone deserves a song.