There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." Quote by Washington Irving.

It was very early in the morning on Easter Sunday.  

My plans were interrupted.

I remember being irritated that the Hospital was keeping me from my wife. She was bleeding and it didn’t look good.  

I walked back and forth in the lobby aimlessly until they waved me through.

The doctor didn’t have any emotion on his face. I felt numb.  

The baby didn’t make it.

Our first pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage.  

Bottled Up Emotions

That was the extent I thought about our loss. I moved on and tried to comfort her as much as I could.

"It’s just something that happens," I thought.

7 years later, I was writing, per my daily habit. I began singing the name "Elijah" impromptu and started to cry. That was the name I wanted to give our baby if he was a boy.  

Honestly, I hadn’t thought about the miscarriage in a long time. I realized that although I had written each of our kids a song when they were born, I had never written a song for baby Elijah.

Through that process, I finally grieved.

Processing Grief

Men don’t always process emotions well. We tend to either ignore them or use something to numb the pain.  

My experience with loss has taught me:

  1. Expressing emotions is really important. It’s good to cry.   

  2. Men need an outlet for grieving. As a creative person, songwriting was my outlet. However, there are many other good options if art isn’t your thing.

  3. I didn’t begin to heal until I reconciled my loss spiritually.

All life is beautiful, even those who are only with us a short time. Everyone deserves a song.