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Pregnancy after miscarriage

Pregnancy after miscarriage

The loss of a child, regardless of age, is at the top of the list of the most painful of life experiences for most people.

We can tell it’s painful for us as a society based on how tough it is for us to discuss it. Our physicians sometimes even describe the loss as though it’s non-emotional and non-relational: chemical pregnancy, blighted ovum, etc. 

But miscarriages are far from non-emotional or non-relational. The moment a woman gets a positive pregnancy test result, she’s already envisioned her newborn baby grown through school and graduating college as an adult. It’s no wonder a miscarriage feels much more emotional and intense than simply a “chemical pregnancy." 

It’s also why previous a miscarriage (or several as is sometimes the case) make the next positive pregnancy test tough to trust or enjoy. Often women with previous losses have trouble accepting and settling into allowing themselves to be hopeful that this pregnancy will be different. As a therapist, I’ve worked with many women in just this situation. So how do we handle such a vulnerable moment? How do we make it through another pregnancy unsure of what will occur?

I believe the answer starts with a general good rule of thumb - allow yourself to authentically feel your way through your emotions.

Anxiety and fear are normal responses to pregnancy after miscarriage, but you don’t have to remain anxious and fearful throughout your pregnancy. Since anxiety and fear often come from not allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, the solution is to explore how we feel and work through the pain. Thankfully, you don’t have to do this alone.

Professional counselors are trained to provide the space and support you need in ways that help you process your pain so that you can feel relief and ultimately happiness and fulfillment. Friends and family play a large role in support, but they can’t replace the training, experience, and nature of working with a licensed counselor.

There is relief and freedom on the other side of fear and pain. Miscarriages are extremely emotional and painful. Processing this pain with a professional counselor can be very helpful in aiding this grieving process along.

If you or someone you know has experienced miscarriages and is having difficulty moving forward with hope, please have them reach out to me at www.kristencounsels.com

 

Kristen Machado, MA, LPC, NCC in New Orleans, LA

Kristen Machado is a life coach and licensed professional counselor living in New Orleans, LA. She earned a Masters in Clinical Psychology and is a Nationally Certified Counselor. Over the last 7 years, she’s worked with hundreds of clients, helping them go from ugly cry to transformation one session at a time. You can learn more about Kristen by following her on Instagram (@kristencoaches) and checking out her website (www.kristencoaches.com).

It's OK to be a grey parent

It's OK to be a grey parent

Grey is all the rage these days: from home decor to fashion accessories to books about the many different shades of the color.

However, one area where grey isn't all too welcome is parenting. We're expected to parent in an all-or-nothing, black or white universe, fully committed to one philosophy, technique, sleep environment, feeding method, or disciplinary theory.

"If you're breastfeeding, you can't use a pacifier. If you like wearing your babies, you can't sleep train them. If you do baby-led weaning, you can't use store-bought purees."

In parenting, as in life, things are very rarely black and white. Yes, it's wonderful when you find a parenting philosophy that resonates with you, especially when it helps you to find support from other like-minded parents. However, it can be oversimplified to categorize certain parenting tools as "good" and others as "bad". For one thing, a system or choice that might work really well for one family would possibly not work for another family. Secondly, labeling certain choices as "bad" will "otherize" parents who are making that choice for their family.

This judgment that we pass on other parents who make choices that don't go along with our own parenting philosophy can lead to internalized self-judgment if we ever come to a place where we need to make a similar choice for our children. For example, a parent who highly values feeding their baby breastmilk and judges those who feed their babies formula is apt to be much less at peace if they ever need to give their baby formula, either by necessity or choice. 

Out of all of the choices we have, there may be a few that would work equally well. This is not to say that these decisions shouldn't be taken seriously, or that we shouldn't decide on our own family's values to guide our decisions. But there are only a few really, really bad isolated choices that can traumatize a child. The rest might be a toss-up! We need to give ourselves the grace and permission to change plans when one or more items in the set of parenting guidelines to which we've ascribed isn't working for us. It's not a slippery slope to get rid of a tool that is no longer serving you.

It's really wonderful to be able to consider all of the different theories and parenting styles, pick and choose the best of the best from each style, and build a pot-luck of tools that work for your family. Don't be afraid to consider a parenting choice that doesn't seem to align with the philosophy of your other parenting choices. Embrace the grey spaces so you can parent in full-color!